My Happy Un-honeymoon

by Anis · Published March 19, 2012 · Updated January 30, 2014

The young couple had been smiling at us for more than half an hour. It’s like they know something we don’t, I thought. I couldn’t tell what it was. Finally, the guy spoke up. “So, how’s your honeymoon been so far?” he asked as his girlfriend beamed at the two of us.

Neil and I laughed. So hard until we shook. “Oh no, we’re not together. We’re just friends. Honeymoon?? Gosh, no,” I shook my head. We were on holiday and it was perfect honeymoon weather, but no, they were mistaken.

That wasn’t the first time. Earlier that morning as I walked past the shops on the main road, I met a man whose store we’d visited the day before. “Hello, hello again! You are alone today? Where is your husband?” he said, greeting me like an old friend.

I sighed. My darling ‘husband’- poor, unsuspecting Neil- was probably checking out guys on the beach at that moment and secretly snapping photos of the hot ones to show me later.

I am as straight as a pencil, a ruler, as Darth Vader’s lightsaber, but I have gay friends and Neil is one of them.

We must have come across as a pretty strange couple. We laughed and whispered together a lot, but never held hands. We were obviously very close, but yet didn’t exchange long meaningful looks. And if anyone had gone up to our hotel room, they would’ve been mystified to see two single beds instead of a double bed which was messy and with sheets all over the place, hinting at whatever it is they thought we were up to.

I found it liberating knowing that Neil would never think I was trying to seduce him if I wore a particular dress or top, that he would never think I was trying to attract his attention if I did my yoga stretches in front of him. It was great to be close friends with a man and know that there was no way it would get any further than that. Sometimes a girl just doesn’t want her life to get complicated.

We took a day trip before we left. There was some travelling involved and we had to ride on a van together with five other couples. Neil climbed on board before me and after getting in, immediately turned his back and sat down, leaving me outside.

“Hey,” I called out.
Neil got up from his seat, his eyes asking me, What?
I motioned for him to come closer. “This is when you pretend we’re on our honeymoon and help me up,” I whispered.
“Oh, shit. Sorry, babe,” he whispered back and gave me his hand, which was nice and tanned from the sun.
“Do I have to tell you everything?” I said softly as we sat down next to each other.
And my husband laughed, and so did I.